We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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