I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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