I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
