I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is this like a preordered booty call?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
