Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
