well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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