I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
