dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
