The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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