1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
