You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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