I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
