There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
