I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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