My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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