you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
