Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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