I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
