I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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