We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
