Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
