I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
