It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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