Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
