If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
