I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
