if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
