Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
