plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
