i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
