I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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