oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
