just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need water and some morals
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
