id be glad to
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
