She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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