She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
