You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
