The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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