why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
