I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
