only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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