so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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