WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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