DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
