you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
