great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
