Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
