So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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