I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
