Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
