Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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