you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
