I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
