Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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