Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You took a bar mat shot.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
